It's been 8 whole days since mum died, I hate that word died it's so harsh and final. I feel overwhelmed at times during my day with feelings of oh fuck she's gone and I really want to talk to her and hug her.
I cannot believe how all encompassing this is and how utterly shite and isolating grief can be. I feel mostly very alone in my sadness, which of course I am because only I know how I am feeling.
I have fantastic friends and a wonderful husband for support and I am so grateful for that however, amongst all that love is a humungous gaping hole where my mums love used to be. Nothing really comes close to a mothers love I don't think.
I didn't always have a great relationship with mum, there were times we didn't speak but I always knew she was still there, the separation I feel now gives me an ache that I can't resolve with a phone call or a hug.
I feel completely out at sea little ole me lost on a wave somewhere I can't reach mum.
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